The Wall

Illness changed the size of my life and I am still measuring the loss. I did not realize how much identity lived in ordinary plans until those plans stopped fitting. I grieve the energy I used to spend without budgeting. There are dreams that did not die dramatically, just under fluorescent light at appointments. I miss the person who assumed the future was a hallway and not a locked door. It is strange to be grateful and grieving at the same time for what remains. There are losses with no obituary and still too much aftermath.