The Wall

There are versions of me no one knew long enough to miss except me. It is strange to be grateful and grieving at the same time for what remains. I did not realize how much identity lived in ordinary plans until those plans stopped fitting. I grieve the energy I used to spend without budgeting. I miss the person who assumed the future was a hallway and not a locked door. My body keeps rewriting terms I never agreed to. There are dreams that did not die dramatically, just under fluorescent light at appointments. I did not realize how much identity lived in ordinary plans until those plans stopped fitting. I grieve the energy I used to spend without budgeting. It is strange to be grateful and grieving at the same time for what remains. I am still trying to make peace with the life that will not happen.