The Wall

I had one of those nights where the kids finally went to sleep, the house got quiet, and the loneliness came in like weather. Not sadness at first. Not even crying. Just the sudden awareness that there is nobody to turn to and say, “Holy shit, what a day.” That was one of the biggest lies of marriage that you don’t realize is true until it’s gone: half of love is witness. Just having one person there who saw the same chaos, the same joke, the same meltdown, the same stupid thing the dog did. Someone who could confirm that your life was real because they were in it with you. Now everything just lands in me and stays there. The funny stuff. The frustrating stuff. The small humiliations. The fear. The weird moments. The tiny victories. Nowhere to set any of it down. People say, “Reach out.” To who? Everybody has their own life. Their own person. Their own Friday night. I don’t miss company. I miss mine.