The Wall

I miss the person before everyone got so practiced at disappointment. The phone used to make my stomach drop before it ever brought actual news. There are versions of them in my head that never got to finish growing up. The shame around this kind of loss lands on the living like ash. You can love someone so hard and still not be able to keep them on shore. I am grieving the years that got fed to something hungry and stupid and bigger than us. People treat this kind of grief like it needs a moral at the end and I hate that. The shame around this kind of loss lands on the living like ash.