The Wall

Dementia grief is grieving in the present tense for years. I keep trying to memorize the voice before it changes again. There are moments they look right at me and I can feel the person I know flicker and go dim. The appointments stack up until life feels like a waiting room with snacks. People tell me to treasure the time left like I am not already wringing it out with both hands. I am grieving someone who is still here and somehow that makes me lonelier. Every small decline feels like an event nobody else heard. Slow loss has a way of making you feel disloyal for noticing reality.