The Wall

Relapse grief is hope learning to walk with a limp. The phone used to make my stomach drop before it ever brought actual news. I am grieving the years that got fed to something hungry and stupid and bigger than us. People treat this kind of grief like it needs a moral at the end and I hate that. There are versions of them in my head that never got to finish growing up. You can love someone so hard and still not be able to keep them on shore. The shame around this kind of loss lands on the living like ash. There are versions of them in my head that never got to finish growing up.