The Wall

I had to hold it together while one of the kids melted down about missing her, and there’s really no good way to describe that experience to people who haven’t lived it. You are comforting a broken heart while actively managing your own broken heart in real time. You don’t get to take the hit privately and circle back later. It’s simultaneous. Part of you wants to collapse with them because it’s true and awful and unfair. Part of you has to stay regulated enough to make the room safe. Part of you is watching the whole thing from above thinking, this is the nightmare. This is it. And afterward, when they’re asleep, there’s no medal. No relief team. No emotional cleanup crew. Just you. Wrecked and still responsible.